We have said goodbye to a very good friend. The green pacifier that made its way into our lives in the early days of Marinn's life and stayed with us through good times and bad, holidays and milestones finally is no more.
If you asked me my thoughts on pacifiers during my first pregnancy I would have boldly sworn them off. No child of mine would have one of those! The mindset maintained through the first child and into the second pregnancy would never be changed. Or so I thought.
When Marinn was born I knew right away she was not going to be anything like her older sister. She was not one to self soothe, she was not one to want to be left alone, she was not one that would allow sleep that I so desperately needed. We quickly found relief from the tears and discontent in a tiny green pacifier. I never even flinched as I stuffed that little thing in her mouth as I knew it was only for a season and would be gone before she would even have a memory of what it was.
Boy would I eat my words. When one year approached we were determined to rid our lives of the green monster that controlled the happiness, not just of Marinn, but of everyone. There was no sleep if it could not be found, there was no quiet moments if it were not in hand. You could forget getting groceries or walking through the store if it were not at the ready. This little green jewel that brought us so much peace was running the show.
"We can do this! We can be strong! It will only take a few days of tears and we will be done," we encouraged ourselves.
Then it was ready, set, remove pacifier.
Only we didn't. For the first time in a little over a year a miracle happened: Marinn slept through the night. (Did I mention the longest stretch up until that point was 6 hours?) Sleep, oh glorious sleep! I missed it, I craved it, I needed it so. If a little green friend made her happy enough to sleep I was not going to jinx it. So the bink stayed.
It stayed while she played, it stayed while she painted, it stayed while she ate, it stayed while she rode, it stayed while she slept. It was now a permanent fixture. She talked about it, dreamed about it, searched frantically when it was lost. She would melt down, sleep strike, hunger strike, anything necessary to get this friend back.
Idle threats were made about ending the relationship, however after a trip to grandma's ended with the binky being left behind upon the return home it was time to get serious.
The evening went on as usual, dinner and bath before snuggling into bed. Since the binky was a 'bedtime only' thing at this point there was no speak of it. Pajamas on and lights out a tiny voice said, "bink please."
Tears turned on and we entered full melt down mode as we explained that she left her binky at grandma's and we did not have it. After more than an hour of tears a worn out Marinn finally succumbed to exhaustion and fell asleep. She slept through the entire night without stirring. It was too early to claim victory, but it was a step closer.
Day two began without mention of the beloved friend. She played just like any other day, ate lunch and climbed into her bed. With her head on her pillow her tiny voice asked, "bink please?" And again she was reminded of the fact that she had left it at grandma's and we did not have it. She went to sleep after a few minutes of protest. When bedtime went equally easy we began to celebrate a little thinking, "Maybe this isn't going to be bad after all." Followed promptly by the thought that we had spoke too soon.
Day three went fine and she went to sleep like a pro. It wasn't until the wee hours of the morning when she woke that we would feel the wrath of a girl torn away from her best friend. Two hours of rocking, walking, hushing, singing, desperately trying to console an inconsolable child was almost enough to cause surrender. Staying strong, she finally gave in to sleep.
Then day four came. There was no mention of the bink this day, no protests, no sleep strike, nothing. Day five was more of the same. Finally!!! We could rejoice over our victory! We stayed strong, we didn't cave, we got rid of the pacifier!
Day six. Oh day six... it was late in the morning when Amelia found a bag we had taken to the pumpkin patch and she began unloading the treasures tucked inside. Marshmallows, pretzels, her new jacket, and... a bink.
"Look Marinn, I found it!" She cried out.
"My bink!" She exclaimed.
Terror came over me. Acting quickly, I snatched said bink and ran frantically to the kitchen, grabbed the scissors and snipped the tip off that treasure. As Marinn approached I showed it to her and showed her that it was broken. There was silence as she took it from my hand. She looked it over and walked around the house for the next hour whimpering and talking about her broken bink. With no end in sight I thought a distraction would offer relief. We tracked across the street to visit with our neighbors where after a few minutes she sat the broken pacifier down in trade for a toy, never to pick it up again.
We are officially 16 days without a pacifier and it is as if it never existed. It wasn't without work, but we are so glad it is finally gone! No longer will it be blocking this sweet face in pictures!
And now a glance back at a friendship: